June 1

Missing my unborn baby.


8 years ago to this day I was almost 24 years old and pregnant. My boyfriend at the time was not thrilled about the situation (thats put mildly) but I had made up my mind that I was going to keep the baby no matter what. Well This day June 1 I started to bleed a little, this can happen, but I went to the doctor just to be safe. When he told me that the baby (yes I say baby even though I was only 10 weeks along) was most likely gone, my heart broke. Every year on this day, I can still feel my heart breaking. And I even feel stupid for missing my unborn-not-even-a-baby-baby, but I can´t help it.

I always thought that by this point in my life I would be a mother, but it just has not happened yet, and I can´t control my feelings about this. It is specially painful when your Facebook is full of pregnant bellies and baby pictures, and don´t get me wrong, Im happy for my friends that are having children and that are going through that amazing experience, but I am still entitled to be sad for myself too.

I know that a baby is in my future and that I don´t have to rush into anything, my time will come. This was probably the way it was meant to go down, and it was probably for the best.

I feel for every women that has had to go though an abortion, (or for those who have a child in their minds that was supposed to be part of the family) willingly or not, it is not easy. After 8 years I don´t think about it in everyday life, but when this day comes every year it still hurts no matter how many years has passed.DSC_0018


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